She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Every concussion has its silver lining
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
