hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
