and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
