I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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