I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
