it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
