me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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