Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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