Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
