9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Randomize
