i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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