oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
