At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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