Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize