Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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