Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
