I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize