dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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