oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize