After last night, I could never be a politician.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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