i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
