this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
