you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
