oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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