it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
