dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
