$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I deserve this hangover.
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