just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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