i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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