I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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