Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
