Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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