I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
