I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
