where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
