how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
