i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
