Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
