I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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