who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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