My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
