Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He keeps bees of course he's weird
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
