I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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