I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
two words...techno handjob
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
