Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
