if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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