a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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