I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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