I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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