soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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