the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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