Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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