Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My dad just said "fuck circus"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
