dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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