I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
