I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
