hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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