Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
