we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
