A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
And then my night got REAL pukey
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
