It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize