yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
i am craving dick and cupcakes
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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