its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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