why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
